Funny Birthday Wishes

For sister

Do you know the similarity between you and a cow? Well, just the face. Happy birthday, dear sister. May you moo till the end of times.

I thought of doing some charity today, and you are the nearest mentally-ill person I could find. So happy birthday, sweet sister. Now keep smiling like you are doing right now.

You are a very gifted person; in a race of two people, you would always be the first runner up. So, a very happy birthday to you, sis. May your talents keep shining like this always.

I have always said you were ‘special’ because the term ‘retards’ is politically incorrect. But anyway, I love the way you are. Happy birthday, little sister.

For brother

This is one of the few days when you can come out of the jungle and act like humans. To celebrate that, wish you a very happy birthday.

I am happy for you today, even though you are adopted and were found in a bin. Wish you a very happy and prosperous birthday, bro.

A wise man said, “we hurt only those who we love”. This is probably why I beat you all the times. Happy birthday, brother. May your bones heal soon.

It really doesn’t matter that you are ugly, stupid and useless. For me, you will always be family. Happy birthday, brother.

For my husband

My dear husband, science says that women live longer than men. Since you have lesser birthdays than me, I hope to make each one of them special. Happy birthday, darling.

Despite the numerous times, you forgot to wish me on my birthday, I have a kind heart and pure soul. So being gracious enough, I wish you a very happy birthday. May God bless you with a better memory.

During our marriage, you promised that we will share everything with me. So I bought you an expensive makeup kit, which you can later share with me. Happy birthday, my love.

You have always been the best husband ever. Apart from the fact, you are ungrateful, careless, lazy, pompous, dim-witted and too short. Apart from that, you are just perfect. Happy birthday, honey.

For my wife

So, today is the day you get one more year older. Shouldn't it be the right time to finally tell me your exact age? Anyway, happy birthday, my love. May you remain this beautiful forever.

You keep getting more beautiful with each year passing. For this, I have to give my gratitude to your beautician. Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.

Wishing a very happy birthday to the women who taught me to say "sorry" without any apparent reason. Stay the way you are (or maybe, be a little less like a Ninja Turtle, if possible).

Today is your special day. I do not want to ruin it by telling you that your food is overcooked and lacks taste, or that you create more mess than I did when I was 5 years old. So, I would simply like to tell you that you are an amazing wife. Happy birthday, my love.

For my mom

Hey, mother. Even though I have always criticized your food, the shit that they serve as the mess made me realize that your hand was pure gold. May you live forever and continue to make that delicious food for me. Happy birthday.

Every time you threw a sandal/slipper at me, it only helped to keep me in line and make me a better human being. For that alone, I will be forever grateful to you.Happy birthday, ma. May you live a long, long life.

I used to think that mothers are the jailors for who have yet not had the chance to visit the jail. Now that I am an adult and have to wash my own clothes, I realize that mothers are simply the gifts for those who are too incapable to take care of themselves. Wishing you a very happy birthday, mom.

Remember the time when I used to wish that you get swapped by my best friend’s mom? Well, not saying that his mom is any less, but I have grown rather fond of you, so stay where you are. Happy birthday, mother. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

For my dad

Happy birthday, dad. I simply can’t believe that it has been only 30 years since you were 18! May you look this young forever.

Have you heard of the phrase “Wiser with age”? Because I really doubt that you have (just kidding, don’t slap me). Happy birthday, dear father. May you continue to be this awesome forever.

I wish you keep smiling and showing your teeth like this forever (or as long as you actually have teeth). Wishing you a very happy birthday, dad.

Just FYI, my gift to you would be the hell lot of candles I had to buy to match your age. Apart from that, wish you a very happy and prosperous birthday, daddy.

For boyfriend

Hey honey. I know your birthday is almost over, but this is what you get for forgetting my birthday. I guess you have learned your lesson now. Happy birthday, my love.

Remember how you told me that you want a Rolex watch as your birthday present? Well, I realized that it was stupid, so you are getting nothing. Wish you a very happy birthday, baby.

It is wonderful how you look younger with every year passing. Soon, I might go to jail for dating a teenager. Happy birthday, sweetheart. May you stay young in your heart.

For my girlfriend

Remember the time I said birthdays are for kids? Well, Happy birthday my love. Hope you continue to spread that glorious smile of yours to everyone around you, even if that seriously tires your jaw.

Happy birthday, baby. And I seriously believe that you should tell me your age, because every time I try to guess it, my calculations land you under 18 and me under arrest. Apart from that, enjoy your special day.

There are not nearly enough times when I have told you how beautiful, caring and amazing you are. Do not listen to the people who say I am a compulsive liar, they are just jealous that I have you. Happy birthday, baby.